Spam for littleguyfrombrooklyn

[endsinafight]

Bucky'd been fidgety throughout the debriefing with Fury, even if he hadn't moved a muscle as he listened to the mission -- another HYDRA target, smaller, on a remote island in the Pacific. Not the usual setup, which made him uneasy from the get-go. But there was something else, something nagging at him, something in Fury's tone that told him there was more to this mission than he was willing to divulge. It wasn't a surprise. Fury might not be HYDRA, but in some ways his methods were so similar that it felt like being back there anyway. He definitely believed in the need to know principle, and obviously he didn't feel like they needed to know whatever it was he was holding back. His gaze darted to Steve, wondering if he'd picked up on it, too.

But if Steve had, his expression didn't betray his thoughts.

He pressed his lips together as they were dismissed, Fury addressing him as the others agents involved in the mission filtered out of the room. "Barnes. Hang back a minute."

And there it was, he thought, meeting Steve's eyes only briefly before lingering as Fury requested. One the door was shut again, the other man turned to study him.

"You have a different mission while they're disabling all of HYDRA's operating systems and containing the operatives."

Bucky studied him just as intently, his voice flat when he responded. "Who'm I eliminating?"

If Fury was surprised by his response, he gave nothing away. "Your target is Katya Belyakov."

"Who is she?" His voice was wary.

"You sure you wanna know the details, Barnes?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"If you're asking me to murder someone, yes," Bucky said, jaw tightening.

Fury regarded him for a long moment. "Essentially, she's the of the most dangerous people in the galaxy. Mind control abilities that she's utilized to force others to commit her dirty work. She's likely being accompanied by a former SHIELD operative who turned out to be moonlighting for HYDRA, Grant Ward. I'd prefer him to remain alive. He's got a lot to answer for."

Every muscle in Bucky's body tensed at the information about Belyakov, but also the name Grant Ward, his stomach turning in recognition.

"Ah. See you're familiar with him then."

"Unfortunately," Bucky responded stiffly, struggling to maintain his composure. "I'm assuming this isn't an optional mission." There was a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"You knew when you signed the dotted line that there's no such thing here, Barnes. Is there a problem? Or do I need to go over the fine print of your contract to refresh your memory?"

Fuck you, he thought. "No, Sir. Am I free to go?"

"You're dismissed."

--

An hour later, he was suited up in his tac gear, breathing steady and even despite the wild pounding of his heart as he boarded the quinjet with a team he didn't know or trust, and the only person on the earth he truly did.

Comments

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“That’s not fair,” Wanda said, her voice a little tremulous. “They shouldn’t force you to work for them.”

“That’s right,” Steve said. “It’s deeply not fair. We’ll fix it, though. It’ll work out.”

Sam looked pensive. “You’re a good guy, JB. I’m not gonna keep letting you sacrifice yourself for us, but it means a lot that you would.”

[endsinafight]

He wasn't sure about fair, when it came down to it. There was a lot he'd done as the Winter Soldier that he couldn't make right. Even if he worked for SHIELD without pay for the rest of his life he wasn't sure he could ever truly balance the scales. So he fell silent, scratching behind Monet's ears again when she whined quietly and pushed her nose into his neck.

Clint's frown had only deepened. "Okay, there's no way that Fury will allow the four of you to be kicked out of the country. For one, Natasha is one of the few people he actually really likes. Two, he's not going to hold Captain America over the fire just to get to Barnes." He glanced at Wanda and then Sam. "And if the deal was for all four, and we know he won't follow through with Steve and Nat, it's safe to assume he won't follow through with either of you." He shook his head. "Besides, the American public would riot."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Clint was clearly saying good things, about Steve was a little distracted by Bucky—the way Monet responded to the minute shifts in his expression and composure.

It was only when Clint mentioned the American public that Steve looked back at him. “How little do you think we’d have to go public about to make sure the public insists it doesn’t happen?”

[endsinafight]

"I don't think it'd take much," Clint said honestly. "When Scott and I came back, people were pretty furious about how roughly half of the Avengers were treated after we stopped an alien invasion in New York. And then the whole Ultron thing..." He gestured vaguely. "I think if they even hear that it's a possibility, there'll be protests in the streets."

Wanda's gaze had shifted to Bucky, and she couldn't help wondering if he was even hearing what Clint was saying, or if he was too lost in his own thoughts and guilt that he'd missed it.

Bucky listened silently, even though his attention appeared to be on his dog. None of this was his area of expertise and he had no idea how to respond, really, so he simply nodded.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve nodded. He wasn’t entirely happy with that explanation—honestly, he cared more about Bucky not being prosecuted than he cared about staying in the United States. The other three, though. They deserved not to have their lives interrupted.

While this conversation was happening, Steve had plowed through a few more burgers. Finally no longer hungry, he realized Bucky hadn’t eaten either. Wordlessly, he nudged Bucky with the bag of food.

Monet was pretty interested in that, too.

“We’ll figure this out,” Clint said. “Definitely a solvable problem, if we have a little more time than last time.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky blinked a couple times and looked back at Steve before nodding a silent thanks in his direction, pulling one of the burgers out and feeding it to Monet. He didn't usually feed her people food, but once in awhile as a treat he couldn't resist the urge to spoil her. Especially when she was being so good. Her tail wagged excitedly as she wolfed down the burger in three bites.

"What do you want us to do, Steve?" Wanda asked softly. "We'll help however we can."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve chuckled helplessly. “Bucky, I meant for you to eat.”

His voice was so warm with fondness, a loving little murmur. He shook the bag again—there was another one or two in there. Monet’s ears pricked, hoping she was going to get another burger.

Steve looked almost startled when Wanda spoke to him. He was strained with pain and exhaustion and he kept on getting this odd tunnel vision, when the only thing he could see was Bucky.

“I think for now we sit tight,” Steve said, looking at Wanda. “We need information. Both about what the contract actually says and what Fury intends to do about it.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky grimaced at that, stomach too tied up in knots to be craving food of any kind, regardless of how good it smelled. "Yeah, I'll eat in a bit," he told him, reaching back and patting his leg momentarily.

She studied him, tucking a long strand of hair behind her ear and finally nodding. "Then that's what we'll do. I'm gonna head home, but if you need anything -- day or night, please don't hesitate." She shifted her gaze to Bucky. "You, too."

"Likewise. I'm gonna crash at Nat's tonight," Clint informed him. "But if something comes up, you know how to get a hold of me."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve frowned at Bucky, but he forced himself to look away, smile warmly at Wanda.

“Come give me a hug,” he said, gently. “Don’t worry, Wanda. It’s all going to be fine.”

She came over, forcing herself not to look nervously at Bucky, though well aware he didn’t like her. She carefully gave Steve a half hug, not jostling him.

“It is going to fine,” she said, echoing him. “I’m glad you’re okay, too.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m going to be fine too. Everything is fine.”

Wanda waved to Bucky, Clint nodded farewell to them both, and then it was just Sam.

“Want me to get you a protein shake or something, man?” he said to Bucky, picking up the concern about calories.

[endsinafight]

Bucky watched Clint and Wanda head away, offering a wave as they departed and trying not to chuckle when Monet wiggled to try and get into the bag of burgers. "No more for you," he informed her. His gaze shifted to Sam when he offered to get him a protein shake.

"I'm really not all that hungry right now, but thanks," he said sincerely. And he wasn't. He knew he should be, but he was also aware of just how long he could go without eating and be completely fine. There wasn't a need to push it. He glanced over his shoulder at Steve, eying him for a few seconds. "I know you're not a fan of pain killers, but I know you're in pain and if they're letting you outta here tomorrow, you should take advantage of what they're offering. You'll heal faster when you're resting, too."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve sighed, closing his eyes for a long moment before opening them again.

“Yeah,” he said. “It fucking hurts. But I hate how the high doses of pain killers make me feel.”

He leaned back into the pillow. His face was strained and he felt the throbbing heat of his hand clearly, now that Wanda was gone and he let himself relax.

Sam looked fond, watching him melt.

“In that case, I’ll leave y’all be. You know how to find me if you need me,” he said, saying goodbye and leaving the two of them alone (with their dog.)

[endsinafight]

"Thanks, Sam," Bucky answered as the other man left the room once more. He hugged Monet for a moment longer before carefully setting her down on the floor and rising to his feet. He tucked a strand of hair behind his ears as he gazed down at Steve with concern etched onto his face.

"I'm not gonna try and make you take more drugs if you really don't want them." God knew he'd had plenty of things like that forced on him from HYDRA, and he didn't like the drugged out feeling either. He just hated seeing Steve in pain. Especially knowing he'd been the cause of it, however necessary.

He reached out hesitantly and stroked the hair from the blond's forehead.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve smiled up at Bucky at the touch, strain and fatigue clear on his face, but joined with affection too.

“I’m sorry I’m such a bad patient,” he said, softly. “I wish they’d just let me go home. I’d sleep so much better there.”

[endsinafight]

"Haven't heard that argument in a few decades," Bucky said, voice light as he gazed down at Steve, letting his hand linger gently atop his head. "We'll get you home tomorrow, long as the doc says it's okay." He trailed his fingers down Steve's cheek, emotions flickering through his eyes. "Scared the shit out of me today."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve felt a well of emotion at that. They hadn’t really talked about the injury or the incident that lead to it, not at really at all. Just the reminder—the nauseating certainty that he was going to die, that it wasn’t up to him, that he could do nothing about it—he took a moment to squeeze his eyes shut, take a deep breath.

Then he opened them again, leaning a little bit into Bucky’s light touch. “Scared the shit out of myself, too,” he said, voice hoarse.

[endsinafight]

Bucky's chest tightened at that admission, because he couldn't remember a time when Steve admitted he'd been scared for himself. His brain was still missing things, he knew, because there were still gaps, but he had a feeling this might be the first Steve ever had admitted that he'd been afraid of dying. On the floor at his feet, Monet whined, nudging his legs with her nose and then standing up so her paws were on the edge of the bed and she could see Steve, too.

Keeping his hand on Steve's cheek, he used his free hand to gently pet her head in reassurance that they were okay, if a bit overwhelmed by the day's events.

"You know that -- no part of me wanted to take that shot, right?" His voice was a whisper.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“Buck,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I know. Of course I know. I’m just so grateful you did anyway.”

He leaned his face into Bucky’s hand, reaching down with his uninjured hand to let Monet nuzzle and lick him. He met Bucky’s stormy gray eyes with his own and knew every bit of his feelings was obvious in them.

“I’ve faced death before,” he said. “Obviously. I’ve just never been so helpless. I just kept thinking, I don’t want to die. I still have things I want to do. And I was totally, completely powerless.”

He flushed, aware that probably Bucky understood that more than anyone could. He closed his eyes and turned his face further into Bucky’s hand. “Sorry.”

[endsinafight]

He exhaled, nodding and letting his shoulders relax at confirmation that Steve knew that, that he understood. He brushed his fingers over his skin lightly, back and forth, warmth rushing through him at the way Steve kept turning his face to press into his hand.

Bucky listened quietly at Steve described the way he'd felt under Katya's mind control. It was different from how he remembered feeling, even if the helplessness was probably very similar. He hesitated, easing himself down to sit on the edge of the bed once more, considering, and then frowning when Steve apologized.

"Sorry for what?"

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“You don’t need my bullshit,” he muttered, barely audible. If Bucky wasn’t who he was, probably he wouldn’t have been able to hear.

He took a deep, shaky breath and kept his eyes closed. “I’ll be fine. I’ll get over it fast. I’m just a little rattled.”

[endsinafight]

"Hey." His tone was a little sharper when he spoke this time, frown deepened. "It's okay if you don't, Steve. You're entitled to feel however you feel. Isn't that what you've been telling me?"

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve’s immediate reaction was that was true for Bucky, not him. He was smart enough to keep that on the inside, though. It was just true about how he felt. Bucky had dealt with stuff like that and worse, for seventy years. Steve had no right to lose it over ten minutes of mind control.

For Bucky‘s sake, if nothing else, he had to keep it together. He opened his eyes and smiled, a little strained but real.

“No fair,” he said. “Using a fella’s words against him.”

[endsinafight]

"Yeah, well. I hear all's fair in love and war. And you and me...we've always been a bit of both all at the same time, haven't we?" They'd gone to war, were still at war in a lot of ways. With their own minds, but also with HYDRA and SHIELD and aliens and robots and whatever else life tossed their way.

And love -- they'd loved each other from almost the get-go, in one way or the other. It had evolved and matured over time, but it was still there. Always.

He watched Steve for a moment. "It's okay to be upset. Or rattled. Or angry. Whatever it is you're feeling...it's okay, Steve. And as far as me not needing your bullshit. You don't exactly need mine, either, but we've always dealt with things together. Right?"

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“I do need your bullshit,” Steve said, immediately. He then blushed, as the ridiculousness of that settled in.

“I mean. Not that I want you to have to deal with it. But if you’re dealing with it, I want to help. I want to deal with it together.”

He made a slightly sour face. “Which I guess is your point.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky simply raised his eyebrows until Steve came to the exact conclusion he'd already made, smirking faintly at the face the other man made. "Still love when you prove my points for me, Stevie."

He patted his shoulder fondly, then squeezed it, light and tender.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“Hell, Buck. You were always the smart one. I was the dumb muscle before I had any muscle.”

Steve’s face was impossibly fond. “It’s a wonderful I liked you at all. You had all the brains, beauty, and brawn.”