Spam for littleguyfrombrooklyn

[endsinafight]

Bucky'd been fidgety throughout the debriefing with Fury, even if he hadn't moved a muscle as he listened to the mission -- another HYDRA target, smaller, on a remote island in the Pacific. Not the usual setup, which made him uneasy from the get-go. But there was something else, something nagging at him, something in Fury's tone that told him there was more to this mission than he was willing to divulge. It wasn't a surprise. Fury might not be HYDRA, but in some ways his methods were so similar that it felt like being back there anyway. He definitely believed in the need to know principle, and obviously he didn't feel like they needed to know whatever it was he was holding back. His gaze darted to Steve, wondering if he'd picked up on it, too.

But if Steve had, his expression didn't betray his thoughts.

He pressed his lips together as they were dismissed, Fury addressing him as the others agents involved in the mission filtered out of the room. "Barnes. Hang back a minute."

And there it was, he thought, meeting Steve's eyes only briefly before lingering as Fury requested. One the door was shut again, the other man turned to study him.

"You have a different mission while they're disabling all of HYDRA's operating systems and containing the operatives."

Bucky studied him just as intently, his voice flat when he responded. "Who'm I eliminating?"

If Fury was surprised by his response, he gave nothing away. "Your target is Katya Belyakov."

"Who is she?" His voice was wary.

"You sure you wanna know the details, Barnes?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"If you're asking me to murder someone, yes," Bucky said, jaw tightening.

Fury regarded him for a long moment. "Essentially, she's the of the most dangerous people in the galaxy. Mind control abilities that she's utilized to force others to commit her dirty work. She's likely being accompanied by a former SHIELD operative who turned out to be moonlighting for HYDRA, Grant Ward. I'd prefer him to remain alive. He's got a lot to answer for."

Every muscle in Bucky's body tensed at the information about Belyakov, but also the name Grant Ward, his stomach turning in recognition.

"Ah. See you're familiar with him then."

"Unfortunately," Bucky responded stiffly, struggling to maintain his composure. "I'm assuming this isn't an optional mission." There was a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"You knew when you signed the dotted line that there's no such thing here, Barnes. Is there a problem? Or do I need to go over the fine print of your contract to refresh your memory?"

Fuck you, he thought. "No, Sir. Am I free to go?"

"You're dismissed."

--

An hour later, he was suited up in his tac gear, breathing steady and even despite the wild pounding of his heart as he boarded the quinjet with a team he didn't know or trust, and the only person on the earth he truly did.

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[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve wasn't known for his skills in intelligence, not by any means--but he was really good at keeping track of Bucky. He had spent a lifetime watching Bucky and now that they're back together again, he had put a shockingly large percentage of his storied determination in relearning the subtleties of his new tells. He was startled when Fury had kept Bucky back for a quiet word--he hadn't seen that coming--and it was all he could do to not explicitly snoop at the door. He hesitated, considering whether or not it was something Bucky would be bothered by, but the decision was ultimately taken out of his hands by another member of the team asking him for advice on how to gear up and hurrying him away.

It was only when he saw the slight shift in Bucky's body language that he wondered if it was a purposeful diversion. Bucky's heart was racing, even though he overtly seemed calm, and Steve was concerned the placidity of his face and body was more due to long experience in dealing with anxiety more than anything else.

They were sitting next to each other on the quinjet, but it was impossibly public. He knew that Bucky was deeply concerned with his privacy and Steve wouldn't dream of damaging that for him. It was hard for Steve to relax, though. Usually before a mission like this, Steve spent a great deal of time running through possibilities in his head, playing out tactical scenarios or just visualizing the details of the fight. It put him in a strange, almost meditative sort of calm.

Now, though, as he tried to imagine his body making punches and throwing the shield, the imagery in his head kept going back to Bucky--Bucky's little twitches and the micro-expressions passing across the face.

Before long, he gave up and quietly tapped out a signal in Morse code on the shield, which was balanced against his knees. He would repeat it until Bucky acknowledged it.

It just said, "Status?"

[endsinafight]

Steve's instincts when it came to Bucky, were, as usual, spot on. He knew none of the others had a clue about the waves of nausea washing over him, that they had no idea his mind was racing. HYDRA had trained him well in schooling his facial features as well as his body language, and back then his mind had never raced because he'd been molded and programed to serve one purpose and only one purpose: whatever his handler told him his mission was.

Now, his mind was free of the programming, so despite the fact he could rather easily let his body and face slide into Winter Soldier stoicism, he had little control over the fact that his brain was on the spin cycle. He took slow, deep breaths, his shoulder pressed against Steve's, and normally that would be reassuring. Now, though, he couldn't help but feeling like they were almost back on opposite sides of the mission at hand because Steve had no idea about the task he'd been assigned. And it wasn't like there was a choice. Fury might not have come right out and said not to tell anyone, but the reminder about the specifics of his contract hadn't been lost on him, and he wasn't going to step out of line and endanger the terms that had allowed Steve, Wanda, Natasha and Wilson their freedom to return to the United States.

It wasn't like he hadn't done this a hundred or more times. He knew he was good at it, and not just because of HYDRA; he'd been the 107th's best sniper, had taken down countless Nazi's and HYDRA operatives with well-placed bullets. This was no different, really. His target worked for HYDRA.

And so did her handler.

He let his eyes close, thinking about the last time he'd seen Ward. It had been years ago now, but every encounter had been a nightmare.

It took him a moment to realize the quiet tapping to his right and he paused as it dawned on him what it was, and what it meant. It meant Steve noticed the slight change in his demeanor.

How did he even go about answering that one? He couldn't exactly tap back Ready to comply. Bitterness slid icy cold fingers up his spine and he barely managed to suppress a shiver.

Casually he tapped the seat beside him, quiet but quick.

"Ready."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve knew that Bucky spoke twenty odd languages and while he would never be jealous of the brutality that put them there, he wished badly there was some more overt way he could speak to him without observation. He knew French and German, and schoolboy Latin, but there was almost certainly people around who knew the modern languages and he wasn’t yet desperate enough to cobble together memories of prayers into a workable sentence.

Even the Morse was a risk. Almost certainly, if the others thought about it, they could pick up on what they were saying to each other—he was relying on their lack of observation.

He wasn’t happy with the answer he got. He tried again.

“Status Bucky. Not mission.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky's gaze slowly took in the rest of their teammates for the mission ahead, studying each of them in turn for a few seconds and memorizing all their faces. None of them seemed to be paying attention to the silent conversation he and Steve were having, fortunately. All of them were talking quietly and it was impossible not to notice how the one on the end -- a red haired guy -- kept glancing at him, curiosity clear in his expression. A hint of wariness, too. Good. He knew who he was dealing with.

He pressed his lips together as he picked up the newest message from Steve, exhaling inaudibly, but not daring to look at him. Somehow, Steve's frustration was easy for him to pick up on even in Morse code.

"Wary. Unfamiliar with facility and its purposes."

It was, at the very least, partially the truth.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve bumped his knee against Bucky’s and leaned his shoulder ever so slightly more firmly against him. He wished so badly they were alone—this strange dance in public was unsettling. He imagined that maybe, in a different context, there could almost be something thrilling about it—if they had been romantic back in the thirties, flirting below the notice of less observant eyes.

Now, though, he just wished that Monet was here to stick her cold nose against Bucky and offer comfort at Steve could not.

He had the instinct that wariness wasn’t all of the story, but he figured he wasn’t going to get anything too personal, even in near silent code.

But he had an idea about how to make it even more private. He shifted the shield further up on his knees, so it was fully in his lap and covering the hand closest to Bucky. Underneath it, he reached and gently touched Bucky’s thigh.

He tapped, “Fury meeting?”

[endsinafight]

His gaze darted immediately to the other men -- and two women -- seated across from them, but no one seemed to think anything was off. He pressed his back more firmly up against his seat, posture straightening. He let the warmth radiating off Steve's body thaw what felt very much like ice in his veins, focusing on his breathing until his heart rate leveled off into something more in the normal range. He needed to pull it together.

They'd taken out numerous HYDRA agents together when they'd gone to Russia. It hadn't been the plan, but things had gone South on that mission, and when it came down to it, self-defense was a far cry from a planned assassination.

He startled a little when Steve rested a hand on his thigh, tapping out another message, heart jumping once more even though he'd known Steve was going to want answers about that one. His own right hand was hidden behind Steve's shield at this angle and shifted it slightly, tapping out, "Additional mission. High level target."

There was no point in lying, because by the end of the day, Steve was going to know anyway. Lying would only jam an even larger wedge between them.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve felt something grip his heart and squeeze, unpleasant and painful. It was nothing like the happy pants of emotion that Bucky regularly sent through him. This was sadness and anger and pain, wrapped up in so much love that he was choking on it.

“You don’t like it,” he tapped out, immediately. He didn’t know the full depths of what Bucky was thinking, but it instantly came to him—Bucky didn’t want to be who he used to be. In Wakanda, he’d herded goats, for fucks sake. It wasn’t fair that Fury was asking him to assassinate people and it aches that Bucky said yes.

“Don’t have to,” he added.

[endsinafight]

If only not obeying was that simple. Steve had no idea what was at stake here, but Bucky was good, great at reading people. There was little doubt in his mind that if he didn't follow the orders that Fury gave, that all of their lives would be turned upside again. He'd be taken into federal custody, if not killed at the first opportunity that presented itself. And Fury knew damned well that Bucky was capable of accomplishing this mission. There was no pretending he wasn't.

If he screwed this up, all of the others, Steve included, would have their rights to be in the United States yanked once again, if not worse. And maybe he'd welcome death for himself, but it would crush Steve and if anyone deserved a semi-peaceful life, it was the man beside him.

What he wanted was to grab Steve's hand and wrap his own around it. But he didn't. That was absolutely out of the question here, hidden or not.

"Necessary evil." He let the tip of his index finger linger momentarily on the back of Steve's hand, trying his best to offer him some measure of comfort and reassurance.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve has gotten better at concealing his emotions, but this was testing him. His eyes were blazing and his jaw was tight. It was all he could do to keep his gaze down and fixed on an empty point on the quinjet floor.

If this target was so bad that Bucky thought they actually deserved assassinating, fine. He could handle that. His style was less subtle than Buck’s, but he’d killed an awful lot of folks in his time.

“Me,” he tapped out. “I do it.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky could feel Steve's tension like it was his own, and he wasn't sure if it was because he was also tense or if he was just that adept at reading Steve in general. The other man had gotten better about concealing his feelings, but he'd known him for a long, long time. He knew Steve as well as Steve knew him.

He scraped his teeth over his bottom lip absently, wishing for just one moment that he could let Steve take that hit for him, but he couldn't. He wouldn't.

"You have a team to command. I can do this."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve felt a wave of despair so strong that he almost swayed with it. It was just not fair. Of course Bucky could do it. He was the most capable black operative alive—maybe the best that’d ever been. But he didn’t want to and Steve didn’t want him to do have to do anything he didn’t want to do. For the first time he wondered how unreasonably selfish it was for him to have Bucky even be on his team, be involved with this stuff at all He’d barely asked if he wanted it—just excitedly taken the suggestion and run with it. They had to talk about it when they got home.

It took him awhile to get himself together enough to respond. By the time he felt even approaching good, the quintet landed. There was a rustling as the members of the team got up, got together. The plan was simple—storm the facility.

“Exit the vehicle, do some brief scouting. I need a moment with my XO,” Steve said, in the flat voice of command, and he waited for them all to leave. He put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder—not strong enough to keep him anywhere he didn’t want to be, but enough to signal what Steve wanted was for him to stay.

[endsinafight]

It was impossible not to catch the look of near-disbelief on a couple of the men's faces before they headed out. No doubt they were still in disbelief that the Winter Soldier had been named as Captain America's second in charge. This was not the Howlies, where that had come so naturally. This was a team of strangers. He didn't even know all their names. May never know all their names. He just hoped they all survived the mission so maybe, someday, he'd have the chance to prove to them he was truly on their side.

He hoped like hell they were all really on Steve's.

When the last of the team had exited the jet, Bucky knew he had to be convincing enough for Steve to let this go, and when Steve's hand landed on his shoulder, he didn't flinch or try to move or get up. "I'm okay, Steve." His voice was quiet.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve didn’t want to respond to that. It was a lie and it wasn’t, at the same time. Bucky was coping. He always did and wasn’t that a goddamned miracle. But Steve didn’t like anything about this, not one bit, and he knew Bucky didn’t either.

“Let me do it,” he said, flatly. “Tell me the target and the plans. I’ll do it, we will complete the mission. You lead if anything needs to happen while I’m finishing up and then we go home. I don’t want to have a long conversation now, and I don’t want to order you into anything, but I have to say, Buck, I am ready to do it if I have to.”

His voice was firm, businesslike—but he squeezed Bucky’s shoulder with as much tenderness as he could get through body armor and sat back down next to him, so that he wouldn’t be looming.

[endsinafight]

"That team isn't going to take orders from me," he responded just as flatly. "They don't trust me, and neither one of us can blame them for that." He drew in a slow, deep breath, but somehow Steve's formal tone helped calm his nerves, reminding him of countless times they'd walked into dangerous missions together, even if most of those had been almost a century ago.

But having someone else in on the side mission -- especially someone he knew was trustworthy -- was usually a good idea. Anything could happen.

"The target's name is Katya Belyakov." He pressed his lips together. "Apparently she has mind control abilities that she's been using on HYDRA's behalf." It was a weighted statement for more than one reason. "Expected to be accompanied by a handler named Grant Ward." There was no emotion in his tone. "Extremely dangerous, good at hand to hand combat, on par with Romanov's abilities." To say the least.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve considered this. Like Bucky, treating it as a mission as opposed to something about them, about their relationship—it was helpful. It lowered the stakes, in an odd way. Life or death felt straightforward after everything.

He nodded. “Okay. I can take her. I could take Natasha. The team won’t really need orders, so it won’t matter they don’t fully trust you. And anyway, orders are orders. They’ll do what they have to. I can do it. You stay with the main group.”

[endsinafight]

Life or death wasn't even on Bucky's mind as far as his own safety went. Steve, on the other hand, was a different story.

He met Steve's eyes, holding his gaze for a long moment. "Be careful with Ward," he said after a beat, standing up slowly. "He fights a lot dirtier than Nat does."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve met his eyes, even. He had the sudden and intense urge to lean in and kiss him—it wasn’t the the time for that, especially not since they hadn’t even got there in private yet. But he wanted it and he let some of that love and affection show in his eyes.

“I’ll be careful,” Steve promised. Even if anything happened, it’d be worth it. He’d gladly rather die than force Bucky to fight some HYDRA assholes with mind control powers. He was going to do his best to stay alive—he had a whole bunch of things he wanted to do, starting with a much needed conversation and maybe that kiss. But also: he wouldn’t do that to Bucky.

[endsinafight]

Bucky nodded slightly at that, wishing that he wasn't relieved that Steve was doing this in his place. What kind of asshole let the man he loved take a hit for him that he was capable of taking himself? But no one had accused him of being a good person in a long, long time. Steve didn't count because he was too damned biased and good, and hadn't figured out yet that Bucky wasn't worth all this. His throat felt tight as he exited the quinjet, pulling his gun from its holster, grim determination on his face as he glanced at the rest of the team, who were now milling around just outside the quinjet.

They were far enough back and behind a treeline that it was unlikely that HYDRA had been tipped off about their arrival.

Well. That was about to change, he thought, taking the lead toward the facility.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

The change in mission took a change in gear. He briefly communicated to the others that Bucky was in charge and he felt his own eyes go flinty and hard at the first hint of discomfort. They settled and went along with it. After that, he slung the shield over his back and went back into the quinjet to grab Bucky’s spare sniper rifle. He wasn’t anywhere near Bucky’s caliber with it, but he knew how to use it and he still had superhuman senses. It would be enough.

He steeled himself and went into the facility, using the chaos of his team wrecking shit as distraction. It didn’t take him long to find the target—but what he found drew him up. He saw her a couple dozen meters away from his bolt hole and she was a child—a chubby-cheeked little girl. His stomach twisted hard, a dull sick horror taking home there.

He asked himself, was he going to do it? And maybe the most horrible thing was that the answer was a clear, immediate yes. If it meant sparing Bucky from doing it, he’d take this shot. He always had a strong sense of right and wrong, but just as fundamental was his knowledge of who his people were and the urge to protect him. Bucky was the one that mattered most. Of course he’d do it for him.

But his hesitation cost him. He wasn’t sure what gave him away—maybe it was his thoughts, remembering Bucky talking about mind control. But by the time he got over the shock, she was shooting back at him and under cover.

[endsinafight]

"Captain Rogers. So good of you to come," Grant Ward called out, firing another shot in the direction he'd taken refuge in. "I was wondering if I'd ever get the pleasure of meeting you." He took a cautious step in that direction. He glanced over his shoulder, indicating to Katya to stay out of sight. There was little doubt in his mind that it was her that SHIELD was after, and it probably wasn't for capture.

Over his dead body.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“I’m not really intending for it to be a pleasure,” Steve said.

Steve wasn’t feeling particularly chatty. He’d have to get through this asshole first, before the dirty work. Okay. He could do that. He abandoned the big, heavy sniper rifle—if this was going to be a hard fight, he needed to play to his strengths—and took his shield in hand.

Plan A was always to run at the enemy, so he did that—he burst out of cover with impossible speed, covering his head and upper body with the shield, and barreled at Ward, darting around to make himself a harder target. He had a small handgun and he took shots at the man as he rapidly closed distance.

[endsinafight]

"Well that's unfortunate. I knew an old friend of yours really well a few years back." His tone was casual. He fired his gun toward Steve's feet, rolling out of the way when the super soldier got too close for comfort. "Katya, a little help, sweetheart?"

"Stop," the girl ordered, voice stronger than one might imagine from someone her size.

--

Across the complex, Bucky heard shots ring out and he flinched involuntarily, quickly taking stock of the team around him. "Do another sweep of the hallways, download all the files onto the flash drives you were provided with and keep your eyes peeled," he said before squaring his shoulders and heading for the East side of the facility with quick steps.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve felt a hot rage in his chest. Why were all these assholes determined to lord their horrific treatment of Bucky over him? Sick fuck.

He was even more determined to kill this guy. But when the little girl commanded him to stop, he did—skidding to a dead halt so fast he nearly fell over. His mind felt like his own, but he just couldn’t move—his pulse sky-rocketed, a strange terror in his chest. He raised his weapon to fire on Grant—she hadn’t told him not to do that.

[endsinafight]

The closer he got to the far side of the building, the more filled with dread Bucky found himself, his heart beat kicking up a notch. He clutched his handgun tightly, rounding each corner and praying to God he didn't turn down a hallway to find Steve's body. He quickly pushed the thought out of his mind.

--

"Point the gun at yourself, Captain," Katya said with a twisted smile.

"This is such a shame. We could have done great things together," Ward said with a sigh.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve pointed the gun at his own head, as simple as that. It was entirely terrifying. His hand didn’t shake, but he felt the inchoate desire to tremble himself to bits anyway. It only was steady because it wasn’t under his control.

“What things did you want to do?” he bit out. He was desperate, stalling for something he didn’t even know—maybe just a few more minutes breathing before he shot his own brains out. All his strength was useless right now. He was just turning it against himself. He thought of his date with Bucky, sitting at the top of the Ferris wheel. He thought of how he looked rumpled and soft first thing in the morning. God, he hoped Ward was a monologing type. He didn’t want to die.