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[endsinafight]

Bucky'd been fidgety throughout the debriefing with Fury, even if he hadn't moved a muscle as he listened to the mission -- another HYDRA target, smaller, on a remote island in the Pacific. Not the usual setup, which made him uneasy from the get-go. But there was something else, something nagging at him, something in Fury's tone that told him there was more to this mission than he was willing to divulge. It wasn't a surprise. Fury might not be HYDRA, but in some ways his methods were so similar that it felt like being back there anyway. He definitely believed in the need to know principle, and obviously he didn't feel like they needed to know whatever it was he was holding back. His gaze darted to Steve, wondering if he'd picked up on it, too.

But if Steve had, his expression didn't betray his thoughts.

He pressed his lips together as they were dismissed, Fury addressing him as the others agents involved in the mission filtered out of the room. "Barnes. Hang back a minute."

And there it was, he thought, meeting Steve's eyes only briefly before lingering as Fury requested. One the door was shut again, the other man turned to study him.

"You have a different mission while they're disabling all of HYDRA's operating systems and containing the operatives."

Bucky studied him just as intently, his voice flat when he responded. "Who'm I eliminating?"

If Fury was surprised by his response, he gave nothing away. "Your target is Katya Belyakov."

"Who is she?" His voice was wary.

"You sure you wanna know the details, Barnes?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"If you're asking me to murder someone, yes," Bucky said, jaw tightening.

Fury regarded him for a long moment. "Essentially, she's the of the most dangerous people in the galaxy. Mind control abilities that she's utilized to force others to commit her dirty work. She's likely being accompanied by a former SHIELD operative who turned out to be moonlighting for HYDRA, Grant Ward. I'd prefer him to remain alive. He's got a lot to answer for."

Every muscle in Bucky's body tensed at the information about Belyakov, but also the name Grant Ward, his stomach turning in recognition.

"Ah. See you're familiar with him then."

"Unfortunately," Bucky responded stiffly, struggling to maintain his composure. "I'm assuming this isn't an optional mission." There was a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"You knew when you signed the dotted line that there's no such thing here, Barnes. Is there a problem? Or do I need to go over the fine print of your contract to refresh your memory?"

Fuck you, he thought. "No, Sir. Am I free to go?"

"You're dismissed."

--

An hour later, he was suited up in his tac gear, breathing steady and even despite the wild pounding of his heart as he boarded the quinjet with a team he didn't know or trust, and the only person on the earth he truly did.

Comments

[endsinafight]

He almost groaned when Steve shifted, stretching out and spreading his legs a little wider, hand settling on his thigh in a way that was just this side of seductive. He knew Steve meant for it to be tantalizing, and it damn sure worked. It was a struggle to stay where he was standing and not move closer, a struggle to remind himself he needed a shower and to fix them food.

The intensity in Steve's voice and in his gaze though, was too much for him to handle and he moved slowly closer to the bed, drawn toward Steve like a moth to the flame, and okay with the idea of burning if it meant getting to see this side of Steve that he'd never been privy to before.

"What do you want right now?" he asked, voice husky.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve licked his lips and let his eyes drag down Bucky's body. The huskiness of his voice got Steve's blood pumping, made heat zing underneath his skin.

It took him a moment to remember his better angels--probably only possible because he was starting to be on the edge of uncomfortably hungry and he felt like he had some Googling to do before he let this get too far.

"I want you to make yourself feel good," Steve said. "I want you to take care of yourself. Which right now means that I want you to get in the shower, get yourself nice and clean and comfortable, and then fix us both some food. And then I want you to bring it back to me in bed and get in here with me. Does that sound good?"

[endsinafight]

For a moment, he was sure that Steve was going to ask him to get into bed with him, but he didn't. Bucky chewed his lower lip for a moment, considering and then nodding his agreement. He did need a shower, and they were both hungry.

"Yeah," he agreed with a faint smile. "Okay." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'll be back soon." He headed for the door, skin feeling warm and itchy all over and he suddenly couldn't wait to get into the shower. He stripped out of his clothes once he was in the bathroom, tossing them into the hamper and climbing into the shower, turning on the warm water and stepping under the spray. He scrubbed at his skin, trying to ignore the fact that his dick was limp and heavy between his legs. All things considered, he knew that wasn't the way it was supposed to be. Not when he had all the other feelings that he was pretty sure went along with arousal.

He'd tried more than once over the last couple of years to fix this part of himself to no avail, and before maybe it just hadn't mattered that much. It mattered now, though. And he still didn't know how to fix it.

He finished his shower and dressed in clean clothes -- sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt, his standard these days -- and moved to the kitchen, fixing them each a huge plate full of food before carrying them back toward the bedroom. "Hope you're ready to eat."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve hadn’t slept any. He hadn’t really rested. When Bucky left to go get in the shower, he narrowly resisted touching himself. He was mostly hard between his own legs, enough that it looked almost obscene through the soft cotton of the sweatpants. That problem wasn’t helped by his attempt to google things like “following orders sex” and “sir sex” and the like. It was a whole new world and while a lot of it was well past something that he was interested in, there were more than a few things that sent vivid, attractive pictures through his own mind.

When he smelled the food finishing up, his stomach growled and he shifted, putting his phone down. His chinks were pink and he pulled himself up to sit cross-legged on the bed, with a pillow in his lap.

“Starving,” he said, honesty. “Delighted to get breakfast in bed.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky smiled a little at that, because with the rush of adrenaline yesterday, he hadn't eaten anything, hadn't wanted to eat anything, but now he was famished and eager to dig into the food. He noted that Steve had a pillow over his lap and the faintest of smirks touched his mouth as he set the other's food down atop it. "Be careful, it's still really hot."

He sat down beside him on the edge of the bed, balancing his own plate carefully on his knees and taking a bite of the food, closing his eyes and resting his head back against the headboard.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve caught the whisper of a smirk on Bucky’s face and flushed a little redder. He took a too quick bite of his food and had to swallow it fast because it was too hot. He huffed and blew on the next bite.

“This tastes amazing,” he said, sincerely. “It’s probably good that it is too hot or I’d be tempted to unhinge my jaw like a python and swallow it down whole.

After a moment he said, “How are you feeling? Was the shower nice?”

[endsinafight]

"Remind me to fix all of our food too hot from now on, just in case," he responded wryly. That was a hell of a disturbing mental image.

He was quiet for a second, then he nodded, glancing at him sideways. "Was better than the quick one I had to take at the hospital yesterday," he told him.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve reached out with his good hand and gently touched Bucky’s knee.

“I’m glad,” he said. “Thank you for being there for me. But I’m glad we are home.”

[endsinafight]

"Wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else," he said honestly. "But I'm glad we are, too." His gaze shifted to the cast. "How's it feeling?" His voice was quiet.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“Hurts,” he grunted. “I can tell it’s healing. It feels achy, weirdly hot, kinda itchy. It’ll get better.”

The thought reminded him. “And Tony said he has some tech that’ll heal me back to new in a couple hours. Basically rebuild my hand, good as it ever was. So that’s good.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky considered for a moment, remembering all too well the painful feeling of a bullet wound as it healed.

"Seriously?" His eyebrows rose. "Why aren't we there then?"

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“The person I want to operate it lives in Korea,” he said. “Tony says he’s talking to her to get her over ASAP. But I’m not going to risk my hand with anyone but the best.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky paused at that. "Dr. Cho," he said after a few seconds, drawing the name from somewhere deep within his mind. He nodded, relieved his presence wasn't the reason for the hold-up on something so important.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“Yeah,” Steve said, cheerfully and then paused. “How do you know her?”

His voice was a little cautious. Was she HYDRA affiliated?

[endsinafight]

There was no mistaking that caution in Steve's voice and he shook his head. "I don't. I just remember the name. Hearing a couple of them talking about her work, and wanting to recruit her. She wasn't HYDRA."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve smiled, relaxing. He shoveled the last few bites of the omelet into his mouth and leaned over to put it on the bedside table. He also could move the pillow, having chilled out a little by now.

He settled back against the headboard to watch Bucky eat. After their childhood, he still got an enormous amount of pleasure out of knowing Bucky had enough food.

[endsinafight]

"Still hungry?" he asked, glancing at Steve when he started watching him eat his breakfast. He only had a few bites left, but he could always make more when he was done. "You should probably eat more than usual to help yourself heal faster."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“I’m good,” he said, shaking his head. “But you should make more if you want more.”

Steve didn’t want Bucky to go anywhere, at least not for his sake. He could probably eat more, but he much preferred to be able to sit and watch him.

[endsinafight]

Bucky shook his head, too, finishing off the last couple bites of his food and letting the plate rest on his knees, fork carefully balanced atop it. He turned his head to look at Steve, silent for a moment. "I'm good," he admitted. He hesitantly reached his right hand out and covered Steve's uninjured hand with his own.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve smiled and turned his hand upside down under Bucky’s palm and wrapped his fingers around Bucky’s.

“I like when you want to touch me,” Steve said. “You always can, if it’s something you want.”

[endsinafight]

He met his eyes, then dropped his gaze to their joined hands, a flash of them at a much younger age -- 9? 10? -- Steve lying still and silent in bed except for when a cough wracked his frail body, making Bucky squeeze his hand even more tightly in an attempt to simply will him to stay alive. The memory was so sudden, dizzying, that it made his head spin a little.

"I want to say the same," he said softly. He couldn't, yet. But he wanted to. But the truth was there were still times when he very much didn't want anyone to touch him, afraid he'd lash out in the middle of a nightmare or a flashback and hurt Steve unintentionally. And he'd done enough of that.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve didn’t know what Bucky was thinking about, but he could sense the depth and intensity of Bucky’s emotion. He slowly, carefully brought Bucky’s hand up to his mouth and gently kissed the back of it.

“I promise not to surprise you with touch. I want you to respond to my hands with pleasure,” he said. “And I’ll make sure they happens. I’ve gotten pretty good at telegraphing touch, right?”

[endsinafight]

His shoulders relaxed as Steve kissed the back of his hand, the action so sweet and tender and Steve. God, he loved him so much. For as much violence that could exist in a single body, it was never turned in his direction, and Steve had equal amounts of gentleness, if not more. It seemed like there was a never-ending supply of patience when it came to Bucky and considering he knew patience had never been Steve's biggest strong suit, it spoke volumes about their relationship. He shifted a little closer to him, resting his head down on Steve's shoulder.

"You've gotten really good at it," he agreed. He was just sorry that Steve had to. "Just miss when things were easier, ya know?"

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve ran his thumb back and forth over the side of Bucky’s hand, right to the base of his palm.

“Yeah,” he said, softly. “Makes sense. I wish I could spare you all that pain. But you know what I was thinking about earlier? How nice it was to watch you eat and know, absolutely know, that we won’t go hungry anymore. And our friends are happy for us that we’re together. Not one of them responded badly.”

He shrugged a little, with the shoulder opposite the one Bucky was leaning on. “So somethings are easier.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky was quiet, letting his eyes drift shut at the soothing touch against his skin. "Not being hungry is nice." He drew in a breath and let it out slowly. "You not having whooping cough is nice, too." Or pneumonia. Or any of the other maladies that he'd been ill with back before Rebirth. There were a lot of things that were easier, truthfully. His mind just wasn't one of them.

"I talked to T'Challa this morning. Said we were all welcome if we needed sanctuary."