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[endsinafight]

Bucky'd been fidgety throughout the debriefing with Fury, even if he hadn't moved a muscle as he listened to the mission -- another HYDRA target, smaller, on a remote island in the Pacific. Not the usual setup, which made him uneasy from the get-go. But there was something else, something nagging at him, something in Fury's tone that told him there was more to this mission than he was willing to divulge. It wasn't a surprise. Fury might not be HYDRA, but in some ways his methods were so similar that it felt like being back there anyway. He definitely believed in the need to know principle, and obviously he didn't feel like they needed to know whatever it was he was holding back. His gaze darted to Steve, wondering if he'd picked up on it, too.

But if Steve had, his expression didn't betray his thoughts.

He pressed his lips together as they were dismissed, Fury addressing him as the others agents involved in the mission filtered out of the room. "Barnes. Hang back a minute."

And there it was, he thought, meeting Steve's eyes only briefly before lingering as Fury requested. One the door was shut again, the other man turned to study him.

"You have a different mission while they're disabling all of HYDRA's operating systems and containing the operatives."

Bucky studied him just as intently, his voice flat when he responded. "Who'm I eliminating?"

If Fury was surprised by his response, he gave nothing away. "Your target is Katya Belyakov."

"Who is she?" His voice was wary.

"You sure you wanna know the details, Barnes?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"If you're asking me to murder someone, yes," Bucky said, jaw tightening.

Fury regarded him for a long moment. "Essentially, she's the of the most dangerous people in the galaxy. Mind control abilities that she's utilized to force others to commit her dirty work. She's likely being accompanied by a former SHIELD operative who turned out to be moonlighting for HYDRA, Grant Ward. I'd prefer him to remain alive. He's got a lot to answer for."

Every muscle in Bucky's body tensed at the information about Belyakov, but also the name Grant Ward, his stomach turning in recognition.

"Ah. See you're familiar with him then."

"Unfortunately," Bucky responded stiffly, struggling to maintain his composure. "I'm assuming this isn't an optional mission." There was a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"You knew when you signed the dotted line that there's no such thing here, Barnes. Is there a problem? Or do I need to go over the fine print of your contract to refresh your memory?"

Fuck you, he thought. "No, Sir. Am I free to go?"

"You're dismissed."

--

An hour later, he was suited up in his tac gear, breathing steady and even despite the wild pounding of his heart as he boarded the quinjet with a team he didn't know or trust, and the only person on the earth he truly did.

Comments

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“The people with real power don’t much care about your own assessments of being under control. They care about whose orders you follow,” he said. “And frankly, they’re not very reassured by the idea that the answer is Rogers.”

“And I don’t give a shit about your wariness,” he said. “I care about what you do and the choices you make. Right now, it seems to me, you’re in the middle of making a very bad one. You should consider the consequences of such choices."

[endsinafight]

"Were you not the one who put Steve in charge of the Avengers to begin with? Because that seems to insinuate you have a great deal of trust in him and his ability to make decisions and dole out orders. Sir." His voice was polite, but just so.

Bucky gazed intently at Fury, not surprised by his response. He hadn't been looking for sympathy by any means, just stating a fact. "What decision is it you think I'm in the middle of making, exactly?"

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“Well, I mostly stand by that,” Fury says, a dry amusement in his tone. “The whole going off the reservation and breaking a bunch of international law has made some gun shy. I wonder why.”

“And as for that million dollar question, I was hoping you could tell me. I’ve got some guesses, but why don’t you just say it out right.”

Steve was awake at this point. His breathing has ever so slightly changed, but he didn’t move an inch, didn’t even tense up. His eyes were open to the barest slits, just in case this went bad in a way that neither of them expected.

[endsinafight]

The fact that Steve had done exactly that because of Bucky, didn't escape him. He doubted it escaped Fury, either. He resisted the urge to look back at Steve and check on him during this conversation, but he hadn't stirred and Bucky was too absorbed in what they were talking about to notice that his breathing pattern had changed a little.

Bucky leveled Fury with a gaze that spoke volumes. "I don't want to be SHIELD's Asset. I don't want to kill people anymore," he said honestly.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve felt a soft swell of emotion in his chest—it was somewhere between pride, sadness, and happiness. Bucky was standing up for himself. He was making space for his needs and desires, and doing so clearly. He was honestly a little happy, that everyone thought he was asleep—it gave Bucky a chance to do this on his own, but he got to witness it.

Fury, on the other hand, actually rolled his eyes. “All of this about a specific assassination order? What’s the difference between that and a normal mission?"

[endsinafight]

"Because there's a difference between wiping out HYDRA bases, shutting them down and rendering them useless and going into a mission knowing the sole purpose is being the cause of someone else's death," he said flatly. "I don't like killing in general, but it's different when it's self-defense or defense of another."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Fury stared at him. “So that’s your demand? No more kill orders?”

Steve reached out and gently touched Bucky’s back—hopefully not scaring the shit out of him. But he wanted to support him, to urge him to ask for everything he wanted.

[endsinafight]

"No more kill orders. And I want to be able to come and go from home as I please without supervision when I'm not on a mission." He paused, giving a silent apology to Steve for not telling him that part either.

Bucky pressed his lips together, Monet shifting restlessly at his feet. He didn't start when Steve touched his back, if only because he'd felt a tiny dip in the bed as he moved.

"And I want to be paid so that I can at least contribute to things like living expenses."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“And when he wants to hang it up for good, he can do that,” Steve adds, voice a little hoarse from sleep. “And in general, say no any time to any mission for any reason.”

They’d talk about whether or not Bucky actually wanted to stay in. He wasn’t going to bring that discussion up with Fury in the room, but these requests were not what Steve understood of Bucky’s desires

Fury didn’t jump, but his eyes narrowed and he went tense.

“Nice of you to join us, Rogers. Does he want a goddamned pony, too?”

[endsinafight]

Monet let out a warning growl when Fury tensed and Bucky reached down casually and scooped the dog up in his arms, rubbing behind her ears in an attempt to soothe her anxiety. "I think we'd have to get a bigger apartment for that, Sir," Bucky responded without missing a beat.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“You’ve got a lot of nerve, Barnes. You could end up in prison over this, you very well could. That’s not an idle threat. We’d find a prison that could keep you in and, even more importantly, keep that asshole out,” Fury said.

“Could you?” Steve said, idly. “I’m very persistent.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky cocked his head to the side at that, ignoring the spike of fear at the idea of being locked up that tightly again. "You have met him, right?" He hooked his thumb over his shoulder to motion to Steve. "If I'm gonna bet on someone at this point, I'm putting all my money on him."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“How does this sound, as long as we’re just spitballing? Barnes in one location, Natasha in a second, Sam in a third, Wanda in a fourth. Instant one of them goes dark, the other three get fucking shot. How does that sound, as an unbreakable system? Is that still so fucking funny?” Fury said, in a low growl.

Steve went tense all over. This no longer seemed like a pleasant chat, if it ever was.

[endsinafight]

Monet barked, baring her teeth and he struggled to keep hold of her, even though he was tempted to let her attack.

"I'd be willing to bet all of us could be out of the country before you could pull that off and the next time the world goes to shit you'll only have yourself to blame when you have no one to call to fix it," Bucky said evenly.

Natasha stood in the doorway, arms folded across her chest as she stared at Fury. "That aside. I'll call your bluff."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“What’s my bluff, Romanoff?” Fury said. He was entirely annoyed. Because of course, that high level threat was absolutely a bluff and her being here, right at this moment, meant there was no chance it was going to work.

Steve was struggling not to grab Bucky and Monet and go on the run right at this moment. His breathing had rapid and his mind was racing, thinking through everything they’d have to do.

[endsinafight]

She gave him an unimpressed look. "I know what you're doing. And we both know you don't need Barnes to be your assassin. He's been toeing the line for months, doing everything you've asked just fine until today. And you also know as well as I do that you can't legally or ethically hold our freedom over his head to make him do what you want. I'm not going anywhere. Neither is Sam. Neither is Wanda." She arched an eyebrow.

Bucky heard Steve's rapid breathing and quickly turned to look at him over his shoulder. "Hey. Hey, Steve. It's okay," he said quietly, reaching out and resting his hand against his heart. "We're fine."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve pulled himself up until he was seated upright, reaching up with his good hand to press Bucky’s touch further into his chest.

“I’ve worked with you for years because I trusted you were a good man who had the safety of the world close to his heart,” Steve said, voice low. “You’ve made mistakes, but so have we all, and at the end of the day I trusted you. Think carefully before you make these threats, because you’re not far from losing me entirely.”

[endsinafight]

Natasha's tone softened. "I know that isn't what you want. But if you press this issue, you will lose. The world will lose. And it won't just be Steve you're losing."

Bucky didn't try to pull away from Steve even as he sat up, feeling overwhelmed but letting the thump of Steve's heartbeat ground him.

"You know what's coming. You know where the real threat lies. You've seen it. We've all seen it. And you need us." Her gaze bore into him.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“One of the real threats is the political situation,” Fury said. “And a former war criminal assassin without any leash doesn’t help that at all.”

“You will not have anything on him that you can remotely describe as a leash, ever again,” Steve said, snarling it out.

[endsinafight]

"He wears an ankle monitor," Natasha pointed out. "And how is what he did any different from what I was doing before Clint found me? Barnes wasn't a willing war criminal. He was a prisoner of war who was tortured and brainwashed. You've read his file."

Bucky took a slow, deep breath to try and steady his rapidly spiraling anxiety and Monet whined, pressing close into his side, nose against his neck. "I can leave the country. Go back to Wakanda. The political situation would vanish."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“That would be worse, in all likelihood,” Fury snorted. “Everyone’s already terrified of Wakanda.”

Steve threaded his fingers in between Bucky’s and held on tight. He could feel Bucky’s anxiety rising, like it was his own. He raised the hand to his lips and kissed it before pushing it back against his chest.

[endsinafight]

Bucky let his attention turn from Fury to Steve, closing his eyes momentarily and grimacing a little when Monet licked his nose. "Then what's the solution?" he asked finally, not looking at him, not looking at Natasha, either.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“The solution is you wise up. Get used to what needs doing. We can pay you, that’s no problem. How about that?” Fury said.

[endsinafight]

Bucky tensed at that, jaw tightening. "No. I'm not going to do that again. Not for you, not for the army, not for anyone."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“The thing is, Barnes. You say you’re not going to do it for anyone. Let’s even say I believe you. But you can be used. You could decide to be the most dangerous person alive at any time, for anybody.”

“Hey,” Natasha said, mildly.

Fury ignored her. “When you have a nuclear bomb you don’t want to use any more, you either keep it in the tightest imaginable security, or you decommission it. You don’t give it a brownstone in Brooklyn.”

Steve was literally shaking with rage. His fist clenched and he had to strain to avoid clenching the injured one. His tension was enough to pop open a stitch or two—fresh blood scented the air.