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[endsinafight]

Bucky'd been fidgety throughout the debriefing with Fury, even if he hadn't moved a muscle as he listened to the mission -- another HYDRA target, smaller, on a remote island in the Pacific. Not the usual setup, which made him uneasy from the get-go. But there was something else, something nagging at him, something in Fury's tone that told him there was more to this mission than he was willing to divulge. It wasn't a surprise. Fury might not be HYDRA, but in some ways his methods were so similar that it felt like being back there anyway. He definitely believed in the need to know principle, and obviously he didn't feel like they needed to know whatever it was he was holding back. His gaze darted to Steve, wondering if he'd picked up on it, too.

But if Steve had, his expression didn't betray his thoughts.

He pressed his lips together as they were dismissed, Fury addressing him as the others agents involved in the mission filtered out of the room. "Barnes. Hang back a minute."

And there it was, he thought, meeting Steve's eyes only briefly before lingering as Fury requested. One the door was shut again, the other man turned to study him.

"You have a different mission while they're disabling all of HYDRA's operating systems and containing the operatives."

Bucky studied him just as intently, his voice flat when he responded. "Who'm I eliminating?"

If Fury was surprised by his response, he gave nothing away. "Your target is Katya Belyakov."

"Who is she?" His voice was wary.

"You sure you wanna know the details, Barnes?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"If you're asking me to murder someone, yes," Bucky said, jaw tightening.

Fury regarded him for a long moment. "Essentially, she's the of the most dangerous people in the galaxy. Mind control abilities that she's utilized to force others to commit her dirty work. She's likely being accompanied by a former SHIELD operative who turned out to be moonlighting for HYDRA, Grant Ward. I'd prefer him to remain alive. He's got a lot to answer for."

Every muscle in Bucky's body tensed at the information about Belyakov, but also the name Grant Ward, his stomach turning in recognition.

"Ah. See you're familiar with him then."

"Unfortunately," Bucky responded stiffly, struggling to maintain his composure. "I'm assuming this isn't an optional mission." There was a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"You knew when you signed the dotted line that there's no such thing here, Barnes. Is there a problem? Or do I need to go over the fine print of your contract to refresh your memory?"

Fuck you, he thought. "No, Sir. Am I free to go?"

"You're dismissed."

--

An hour later, he was suited up in his tac gear, breathing steady and even despite the wild pounding of his heart as he boarded the quinjet with a team he didn't know or trust, and the only person on the earth he truly did.

Comments

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

"Fury," Steve said, shortly. He looked up and met Bucky’s eyes. He didn’t want to read the text out loud, so he just handed the phone to Bucky.

Fury is showily collecting Barnes’s WS files. He says that if he’s going to be a civilian the public should know what they’re dealing with.

[endsinafight]

Bucky took the phone from him, exhaling as he read the text, shoulders growing tense before he forced them to relax again as he handed the phone back to Steve.

"I guess that's fair," he said quietly, voice resigned.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

It took everything Steve had not to explode. He grabbed his own hair with his hand, frustrated.

"It’s not fair. It’s cruel. He’s explicitly trying to punish you. You were terrified yesterday about even me reading the files, this can’t be something you want."

[endsinafight]

He was silent for a moment. "It's not. Something that I want." He was so used to not getting a choice or a say in anything, though, it was difficult not to just accept it. "But if it means I don't have to keep working for him, then maybe it just is what it is, Steve." There were a whole lot of things in those files, a lot of details that he still didn't ever want Steve to have to see or know. He also doubted Fury would release the kinds of programming and methods of punishment that HYDRA had used against him over the decades.

No. He'd release what would scare people: details about his missions, the names of people he'd murdered. The things that would paint him as nothing more than a monster who needed to be put down. And didn't the public have a right to know those things anyway? Didn't they have the right to know who was walking around silently in their midst?

Shuri and her team might have been successful at removing the trigger words that would force him to follow the orders of anyone who knew them, but that didn't mean he wasn't dangerous.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve rubbed at his own eye with his good hand. He was so furious he was near tears, incandescently mad. Bucky doesn’t deserve this. He knew the world wasn’t fair, he wasn’t an idiot, but sometimes it felt like it was expressly designed to make Bucky unhappy, like every coin flip was weighted against him. It made Steve feel so incredibly powerless. He always hated that feeling, but somehow it was even worse when it it was Bucky’s happiness on the line.

He texted back Natasha that if Fury every wanted Captain America to take his call, he should reconsider.

"We’re going to find a way to do this that’s the absolute best for you," Steve promised. "That’s my goal."

[endsinafight]

"Hey, Stevie." His voice was quiet. "Whatever happens. It's gonna be okay." The words were easy enough to say even though he had no way of knowing that. Neither of them did. And there were a million and one things that would likely happen if Fury decided to release those files on the Internet. He'd have a bounty on his head from more than one person or group, that much was almost certain. And that meant that Steve would be in more danger because of him, too.

He exhaled, keeping his grip on the leash even as Monet stopped walking and looked up at them, barking a couple times. Almost like she was checking on them. She probably was.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

"I just wish you didn’t have to be so stoic in the face of your own suffering, all the time," Steve said. "I just want you to have good things."

Monet hopped up on her back legs and nudged Steve’s hip, barking. It was enough that Steve crouched and let her crawl into his arms, wriggling and licking his face. The sweetness of her affection was enough that tears did actually well up and Steve felt like an asshole. Bucky was the one that should be freaking out about this and he wasn’t.

[endsinafight]

He offered Steve a wan smile, though his chest tightened at the sight of his obvious frustration and remorse. He watched quietly as Monet showered him in doggie kisses and he reached out, resting a hand on Steve's shoulder. "We don't know for sure it'll happen." And yes, he was worried, but Fury was going to do whatever he wanted to do, and as awful as it was to contemplate, there was a certain amount of freedom in admitting he had zero control over things at this point.

"And I have good things. I have you and I have Monet, and that's more than some people get in a lifetime."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve blinked hard, pushing back any tears viciously. He was almost tempted to shake off Bucky’s hand. He refused to let Bucky comfort him over this. That was just insult to injury. If Bucky was calm, Steve was calm. Monet’s kisses were helpful, even if they smelled like dog food.

He looked up at Bucky, once he got himself together. "Do you want to just go to Wakanda right now?"

[endsinafight]

Bucky met his gaze and was sorely tempted to say yes. Because it would be so much easier to fuck off to Wakanda, to herd goats and play with the children there without having to look over his shoulder every minute of every day, worried about who was coming for him.

But it wouldn't be right. And it wouldn't be fair. And what he stood to lose if he ran away again was far too great for him to risk.

He used to get frustrated with Steve for refusing to runaway from a fight. But he was starting to understand why he'd always held his ground, even when the beating hurt. He squared his shoulders and lifted his chin, shaking his head. "If I run now, he wins. They all win," he said quietly. "And I'm tired of bullies winning."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve looked up at Bucky and was filled with abiding love. It was an earthquake kinda love, from deep within himself and shaking his world to pieces, completely inexorable and bone-rattling. He blinked a couple times, hard, and stood up. He used his good hand to clasp Bucky on the shoulder, right at the beginning of his neck, and gently rubbed his thumb for a moment on his skin.

"You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met," Steve said, quietly. Sincerely. "I know it makes you uncomfortable when I say things like that, but it’s true. I’m going to do everything in my power fo help you."

[endsinafight]

Bucky held his gaze, leaning into Steve's touch instinctively, feeling the tightness in his chest loosen a little. Knowing Steve would be there no matter what happened, that he wouldn't have to face things alone, was a weight off his shoulders. The sincerity in his voice, though, made him swallow hard, dropping his gaze to the sidewalk momentarily.

"I know," he admitted. "And knowing you're here, that you're in my corner...that's why I know I can do this. Whatever way it goes."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve squeezed his shoulder again and then he had to look away from Bucky before he ended up kissing him in front of all of Brooklyn.

“Donuts?” he said. “I hear I owe you some.”

[endsinafight]

"Donuts," he agreed quietly, nodding and reaching up to squeeze Steve's arm, light and affectionate.