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[endsinafight]

It was the sound of a quiet pinging noise that woke him from a restless sleep. He opened his eyes, blinking a few times against the faint light filtering into the bedroom from the closed blinds. Steve was curled up beside him, head resting on Bucky's shoulder. He exhaled, letting his eyes drift shut again until the pinging noise sounded once more, and he groaned.

"Someone's trying to get a hold of you, Steve," he grumbled, burying his face in the pillow.

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[endsinafight]

He supposed that made sense, given the sudden peace treaty with Steve after all the months of silence that had passed. It didn't make him feel any better about things. If anything, that urge he'd been having to get away, to run and not look back only grew worse. Monet was licking his chin again, the way she did when he was on the verge of a panic attack, trying to get him to stay in the present.

"Tony, it's okay," she whispered, wrapping her arms around him and folding him in a hug.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Tony wanted to shake her off. He really shouldn’t be the one getting comfort right now. In the interests of relationship harmony, though, he didn’t.

“I have all the files,” he said. “No one has seen them but me.”

[endsinafight]

Natasha kept her distance, but knelt down a few feet away from him, keeping her eyes on him intently. "Barnes. Are you with us?" Her voice was quiet, but firm. Steady.

He lifted his gaze to look at her, giving a short nod despite how tight his chest felt. He'd known that Stark had seen the files -- at least some of them, if not all. Monet whined quietly and he focused on her once more, trying to get his heart to stop beating so fast. "I want to see them."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“Do you think that’s a good idea right now, Bucky?” Pepper said, softly. Tony ignored it, shrugged off her touch and walked to the wall next to the window. He flattened his palm against it, and whispered a code phrase. FRIDAY took into consideration several other biometric markers as well before the panel of the wall opened into a safe.

There was a large stack of files and an iPad. He hadn’t digitized the ones that weren’t already digital and the only electronic copy was on this device.

He hauled it out in his arms, went over to Bucky, and set it down in front of him.

“This is all of them. I destroyed all the other copies I found. To my knowledge, this is the last remaining set of records.”

Natasha sent him a glare. They should probably keep at least some of that for intel, but there was no way she could ask that in front of Bucky. He ignored her.

[endsinafight]

And there it was. Seventy plus years of data and information on his life that he'd never so much as laid eyes on until now. He held his breath as he stared at the large pile of file folders, and at the iPad. His insides felt cold, like he was in cryo-freeze all over again with the enormity of the information that lay in front of him. He glanced up at Tony, giving him a little nod, not able to form another word at the moment.

Natasha reached out and laid her hand atop the pile. "You don't need to do this right now. You shouldn't do this right now." At least not until Steve was up and awake again. And maybe not without Sam around, for that matter. He wasn't a therapist, but he was a counselor and she knew from the few files on the Winter Soldier program that she'd read that nothing in them was good.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“It’s his right—“ Tony started. Natasha ruthlessly cut him off.

“It is. But as someone who cares about his wellbeing, in suggesting he wait.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky's mouth felt dry as he listened to the two of them argue, brief as it was. "She's right. Today's not supposed to be about my crap anyway," he said after a few moments of silence. "Can I take it upstairs?" He didn't want to leave Steve's side, but he knew that between Natasha and Tony, he'd be okay for a few minutes at least.

Pepper's eyes were sad as she looked at him, a world of empathy for him there. "Of course you can. They're yours." She already knew it was what Tony would say.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Tony nodded, not bothering to echo the same sentiments out loud. Monet licked Bucky’s cheek.

And when he left, with dog in files in tow, Tony sighed and slumped against a table.

“Steve is going to murder me.”

[endsinafight]

Natasha couldn't help but worry that Tony might just be right on that. Because if there was one thing that had become very clear to her, it was that there was nothing and no one more important to Steve than Bucky Barnes.

---

An hour later found Bucky standing right beside the Cradle, expression stoic as he stared inside, waiting for him to wake up from the procedure. He'd returned shortly after stashing the files in the dresser of the guest bedroom even if having them out of his sight made him uneasy. It wasn't like he could carry them around everywhere with him anyway. Monet's paws rested on the side of the machine that encased Steve for the time being. She seemed to be as anxious about getting him out of there as Bucky felt, and he cast a glance at Tony, but remained silent. Neither of them had said much of anything when he'd returned to the lab after taking off with the files, and Pepper had insisted on making everyone tea. It was a nice gesture even if he was pretty sure he'd throw up if he consumed anything, so he pretended to take a sip until she wasn't paying attention anymore.

He was certain Natasha had caught on, though. She stood on the other side of the Cradle, looking as calm and focused as ever. He was pretty sure that very little rattled her, and he remembered what that was like because it was how he'd been as The Winter Soldier. But Natasha was a person, not a weapon, and she probably just had the world's best poker face.

"How much longer?" His voice was raspier than usual.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“Five minutes,” Tony said. “I’m initiating the procedures now. Pep, could you grab a blanket and another hot glass of that tea? He might be a little shaky coming out.”

She went to do that right away. Tony couldn’t look at Bucky at all anymore. He just wanted Steve up and safe, so Tony could go lock himself in a room and get hammered.

The light in the cradle changed, to a pulsing blue. Counting down the time until he would wake.

[endsinafight]

"Is it cold inside?" he asked, resting his hand atop the glass covering. It hadn't occurred to him to ask until now, and memories of being dragged out of cryo, confused and shaking and so damned cold flashed through his mind. He didn't look at Tony, simply stared down at Steve's face, his eyes closed and looking peaceful like he did when he slept.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

“Colder than would be comfortable to take a nap in but—“ Nothing like what you’re thinking about, Tony didn’t say. “Not too bad.”

The light changed from blue to red. Last ten seconds. Steve started to twitch, facial muscles spasming. And before the countdown reached the bottom, his eyes snapped open and he looked viscerally terrified, starting to struggle.

Before he could get anywhere, though, the doors opened with a hiss and he sat up, panting and wild-eyed.

[endsinafight]

Monet barked when Steve suddenly shot up out of the machine, but Bucky ignored her for a moment, moving so that Steve could see him. He held his breath, not yet reaching out for him even though he wanted to more than just about anything. Steve was afraid, disoriented. It wasn't a good feeling, or a good combination. "Steve. Hey. You're okay. It's okay." He hoped, trying to ignore that prickle of worry, a little voice taunting him at the back of his mind that this time it would be Steve who'd forgotten him if something had gone wrong. The voice sounded a great deal like Brock Rumlow.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," Natasha teased, voice light as she gazed at him, too. "'Bout time you woke up."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve remembered waking up out of the cold, once before. It was to a room full of strangers and a world where everything he loved was dead. He was there, in the breaths after snapping awake—enough so when he saw Bucky it was like an electric shock, like plunging into the ocean.

“Bucky—“ he gasped, reaching for him. He wasn’t entirely sure what year it was, not in these first few moments, but he’d reach for Bucky if there was any breath left in his body.

It was only after he was touching Bucky—with two hands!—that he even registered Natasha.

Shivering a little bit, he forced a smile. “Hey Nat,” he said.

[endsinafight]

Relief crashed into him hard and he moved forward the instant Steve uttered his name, wrapping him up in a tight embrace and squeezing his eyes shut, his flesh hand cupping the back of Steve's head. "Got you," he murmured. "I've got you."

She reached out and squeezed his shoulder wordlessly before moving away to give them a moment alone, linking her arm through Tony's and pulling him along with her.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve shivered in Bucky’s arms for several breaths, unable to stop. He was scared, irrationally scared, and it took some time for him to get ahold of himself.

The thing that did it was the realization that Bucky felt scared in his arms, too, and Steve abruptly realized what this must remind him of. He yanked himself together as quickly as he can, using Bucky’s scent and Monet’s cold nose on his hip.

He pulled back a little bit to look at Bucky and smiled, softly.

“Hey, sweetheart. Aren’t you the nicest thing to wake up to.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky felt those shivers as though they were his own, and he tightened his hold on Steve a little. His body was cool, but not ice cold and that kept his mind from going too far into darker places. He murmured quietly to Steve as he shook in Bucky's arms, rubbing a hand up and down his back, touch light and soothing, but when Steve pulled back to look at him, he let him even if he wasn't quite ready to let go just yet.

He lifted a hand to cup Steve's cheek, not sure if the others were there and observing or not. Right then he didn't care. "How's it feel?" he asked, trying to keep the anxiousness out of his voice, a tiny chuckle escaping him when Monet managed to leap into the contraption and right into Steve's lap, licking his face.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

When Bucky touched his cheek, Steve dipped his face to kiss the inside of his wrist. Steve was so focused on Bucky he genuinely didn’t register other people in the room—which made it even more surprising when he got a lap full of dog. He laughed in surprised and then stabilized her on his lap.

“Heya, pretty lady. My best girl,” he crooned to her, rubbing her ears.

When Bucky asked him how it felt, it occurred to him—he was petting Monet with the hand that had recently been shattered. He grinned holding it up and examining it, stretching it and moving it this way and that.

“Painless,” he said. “Totally normal.”

He made a fist and clenched it hard. “Maybe a touch weaker? But I’m sure I’ll get that back to speed fast.”

[endsinafight]

He shuddered at that, exhaling slowly and closing his eyes. "Oh thank God," he whispered, feeling almost weak in the knees with the amount of gratitude he felt. Steve wasn't damaged for life because of him. He opened his eyes once more, reaching out and taking his now-healed hand in both of his and bringing it to his lips, kissing his knuckles tenderly.

Thank god.

"Let's get you out of there, yeah?" Bucky reluctantly let go of his hand once more, reaching down and gently picked Monet up so that Steve could move. He set her down on the floor, holding his hands out to Steve to help him out of the Cradle.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve’s breath caught when Bucky caught his hand and kissed it—it was so different than before, in the elevator. Both moments were full of so much love—but this was chaste. It felt almost like Bucky was praying.

He was alert enough to get out of the contraption by himself by now, probably, but he gratefully accepted Bucky’s help. He was greedy to have both hands on him. It was only when he was upright, bare feet against the cold floor, that he realized they had three people as an audience. He went a little pink—embarrassed that he didn’t notice.

He was shocked there weren’t catcalls or mockery from Tony. Pepper waved to him from where she was quietly talking to Natasha and tilted her head to indicate the mug of tea on the table. Tony, however, was frowning at his phone.

“Feel alright, Cap?” he asked, not looking up.

“Yeah,” Steve said, drawing it out. He cast Bucky a look. “What happened?”

[endsinafight]

"Here." Bucky moved to grab both the blanket and the tea that Pepper had brought to the lab at Tony's behest. He held the hot tea out to him, waiting until he took it before he moved to wrap the blanket around Steve's shoulders, rubbing his back a little through the material in an attempt to help warm him up more quickly. He knew Steve disliked the cold as much as he did, and they both had good reasons for feeling the way they did about it.

"Drink the tea," he encouraged, flicking a glance at the others momentarily. Now definitely wasn't the time to bring up the things that had come to light while he'd been out. He brought his gaze back to Steve's face. "It's a long story. I'll tell you later." Preferably once they were far away from the tower.

"How are you feeling?" Natasha questioned, concern in her voice.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

None of the others would dream of telling Steve anything Bucky didn’t want him to hear, not right now. And Tony, especially, was more than a little concerned his tentative rebuilding friendship wouldn’t survive this revelation. Pepper and Tony stayed quiet.

Steve studied Bucky’s face and then nodded, short. He leaned into Bucky’s touch and drank the tea and tried to soak up every it of warmth.

“Good as new,” he said. “Much less painful than the Erskine procedure. Good job, Tony, you got that one on your dad.”

Tony couldn’t conceal his massive flinch.

[endsinafight]

Bucky just barely managed not to flinch at the mention of Howard, as much in sympathy for Tony as anything else at this point. It had been a really long fucking day. He turned to glance at Tony, determined that he wasn't going to let what had come to light today be a barrier to Steve and Tony's friendship. Not if he had anything to say about it.

Natasha pursed her lips, managing a smile if only so not to make Steve too wary about what had happened when he'd been healing. "Glad to hear it. Might get a little hard to throw the shield one handed when you're used to using both as it suits you." She glanced around the room. "I'm going up to my room if anyone needs me. 89th floor, so right below the two of you." The fact that she didn't throw in a remark about the two of them keeping it quiet was telling, but she didn't wait for a response before heading toward the elevator, knowing Tony and Pepper needed as much time to talk things through as Steve and Bucky did.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve waved goodbye to her, still feeling off balance. Monet hopped you on her back legs, pushing her face underneath Steve’s free hand and he chuckled, taking the cue to pet her.

“Bucky, Tony and I were talking about it,” Pepper said, after a glance to Tony revealed he wasn’t going to be up to much. “We found you two a nice cabin to stay in, for as long as you want. Nobody will be able to get to you there and we can easily send a helicopter to take you out—or get you if needed. When do you want to go? You’re welcome here as long as you want, of course.”

[endsinafight]

Bucky smiled at Monet's antics even though it also made him step closer to Steve's side, knowing the reasons she tended to react that way to one of them was because she could sense they weren't doing as well as they let on. He rested a hand on Steve's back, between his shoulder blades, offering him a small but warm smile before turning his attention to Pepper.

"I think we should stay at least tonight, make sure you've got your land legs back," he responded, raising his eyebrows at Steve. Maybe tomorrow, too, depending on how things went. Despite everything, he still didn't feel right imposing too long on Tony and infringing on his personal space. And frankly, Bucky was emotionally exhausted, wanting little more than to take a long, hot shower and go to sleep for a few hours if possible.