Spam for littleguyfrombrooklyn

[endsinafight]

He should have known something weird was going to happen considering the fact that it was a full moon. But he was trying his best to put as much weird behind him as he could, and that included any kind of supernatural or alien shenannigans. Not that he wouldn't pitch in and do his part if it came down to it, but these days, Bucky much preferred sticking closer to the old brownstone he'd taken up residence in the last few weeks, since the Snap had been reversed. That wasn't to say he stayed locked up in his new place, because he hadn't. He'd been out to see Steve and his grandkids earlier that day, in fact.

Yesterday, he'd reluctantly agreed to have lunch with Sam, whom was turning out to be a pretty good friend. It wasn't something he would have imagined a year ago. Or -- technically, five years ago.

No, Bucky was doing his best to scrape together some semblance of a life in the wake of Thanos' reign and the Snap, and Tony's death and Steve's trip to the past.

And, and, and.

It was just a lot easier said than done. Some people still looked at him funny when he went to the stores, no doubt recognizing him and wondering if they were about to be brutally murdered. He wanted to tell them so badly that they weren't in any danger from him. He didn't want to hurt anyone.

He was lucky if he got four or five hours of sleep at night, and most of that was still filled with nightmares. Tonight was no exception and at 2 in the morning, he found himself staring out the kitchen window, drinking a glass of water when the hair on the back of his neck suddenly stood up, and he knew, instinctively, that shit was about to get weird.

Heart beating fast in his chest, he turned, pausing at the sight of Steve Rogers standing behind him, looking around like he was confused, and damned if Bucky wasn't confused, too, because this wasn't an old man.

This Steve looked like he was 26 or 27, tops.

Comments

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve swallowed hard, nodding into Bucky’s skin.

"Of course," he said, roughly. "You have a life here. I’m glad. I just—I’m sorry. I’m still selfish, I guess."

Why would Bucky want to go with him? He wasn’t Bucky’s Steve and Bucky’s Steve—well. He hoped that he wouldn’t’ve done that, but he did do it, in some time line, and Bucky knew it. Bucky had seen into the heart of Steve and he had been found horribly, gravely wanting.

[endsinafight]

It wasn't much of a life, really. He kept mostly to himself. His own Steve had handed the shield over to Sam, and he knew Sam was training hard to work on becoming the next Captain America. He didn't begrudge him the title in the least. It wasn't difficult to see that Sam would be a far better symbol of justice than he would be, and Bucky...

Bucky was tired. He didn't want that life anymore. He hadn't wanted to fight in a long time now.

"Listen. Before you go, stay here with me for a few days. Rest. I can fill you in on some things that might make it easier back home." His voice was quiet and he couldn't quite bring himself to pull away from Steve even though he knew he probably should.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve snorted, a little watery.. "Buck, I don’t know how to get home. But yeah, even if I did. I’ll stay a little bit."

He wanted to say that he’d stay here, in this nice house with Bucky, if Bucky wouldn’t leave—but he couldn’t. He had his Bucky to take care of and that Bucky—well. He’d not been very specific when talking about his time with HYDRA, but Steve couldn’t imagine it was humane.

"You can tell me everything I need to know to rescue the other Bucky," Steve said. He loosened his hold every so slightly, but he didn’t want to let go of Bucky either.

[endsinafight]

"We'll figure that out. Somehow." He already had a couple ideas, even if neither of them particularly pleased him. He couldn't help the relief he felt when Steve agreed to stay for awhile so easily, though. In the long run it would be worse on him, he was sure. But he'd never had a lot of sense when it came to Steve Rogers.

But maybe he could give the other Bucky some kind of better ending than he'd had. Maybe.

"Yeah," he said softly. And maybe he can tell him enough to prevent the Avengers from breaking apart. And maybe if they face Thanos united as a team then --

Maybe things would be better for everyone. Maybe Steve wouldn't want to go back to the forties. But maybe that was just a silly pipe dream, too, because it was difficult to imagine any version of Steve who didn't want to live out his life with Peggy Carter.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve tried to gather himself, pulling back ever so slightly in Bucky’s arms. He kept holding him, though and looked down to study his face.

"Could you tell me why you don’t want to come?" He flushed, after the question left his mouth. It was too personal, probably—Bucky didn’t owe him that. But Steve wanted to know. He was greedy for every bit of knowledge and attention Bucky would give him.

[endsinafight]

It was so much harder to talk to Steve when they were looking at each other. It felt like Steve would be able to see right through him, right down to his heart. He held his breath for a moment, searching Steve's eyes even as he watched the man's face grow pink.

"Well...for one, you're going to have another me to be dealing with and he's -- not going to be in a great place," he said quietly. "And it's already going to be complicated dealing with him and Stark together without a second Bucky Barnes in the mix."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

"You could help," Steve said, feeling a bit drunk with the idea of being able to have two Buckys to be his friend. "Mentor him—like a big brother, or something."

[endsinafight]

Bucky almost smiled even if the idea was kind of horrifying, in reality. "I'd be a terrible mentor," he said honestly, the same thing he'd told his own Steve when he'd asked him to help Sam in his absence.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

This Steve laughed in Bucky’s face at that, a warm chuckle that ended in a smile.

"Buck," he said. "You can say it’s weird. But that’s bullshit. I wouldn’t have survived, if not for you. I was ten pounds of angry in a five pound bag—I refused all your attempts to help in the crankiest way possible. But I turned out alright."

[endsinafight]

The sincerity there somehow managed to shatter part of his heart even at the same time that some of the other cracks began to heal.

"I've changed a lot, Steve," he said softly, needing him to understand that he wasn't the Bucky he'd once known. Not by a long shot.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve shrugged one shoulder. "It’s been a long time. I’ve changed too."

He ducked his head, not quite able to look Bucky in the face to say this, but knowing it needed to be said. "I want to get to know you now. If it’s possible, if it doesn’t make the Bucky in my timeline wait too long—I’d like to really know you."

[endsinafight]

Bucky scraped his teeth over his lower lip when Steve looked down. He was going to regret this later, he was sure. He'd spent the last couple months just trying to get through each day without having some kind of meltdown because he missed Steve so much. But he'd never been able to tell Steve no, when it came right down to it.

"I want to know you, too," he admitted quietly. Because this was Steve from before the world had gone to total shit, and maybe it'll somehow help him to piece together the rest of the puzzle he'd been unable to solve. "And uh -- the time travel. You can go back to whenever. People won't even know you're gone."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve squeezed Bucky gently, barely able to express his affection in words. He kept looking down.

"I’m not sure I want to meet the other guy," he said. Steve wasn’t sure he could be civil, and he didn’t want to see his bad behavior in the flesh.

[endsinafight]

"You won't have to," Bucky assured him. "Not again, at least." He squeezed his shoulder.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Something clicked for Steve.

He looked up, shocked. "Oh my god. It was him. He’s the one that told me you were alive."

[endsinafight]

Bucky met his eyes and offered him a small smile. "Yeah. That was him," he agreed. Because Steve had told him about the encounter he'd had with his younger self. How he'd told younger Steve Rogers that Bucky was still alive, as a way to catch him off guard and weaken his defenses enough to knock him out.

"You thought he was Loki at first."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

"Christ."

Steve squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, before blinking them open again. "I thought I was crazy. I thought I was crazy for believing it was real, for working so hard to find him—everyone else thought I was crazy, too. I had no confirmation, you know that? I never knew for sure, not until now, that it wasn’t Loki. The rest of the team kept trying to run interventions for me. I thought SHIELD might have tried to lock me up, in a few more weeks."

[endsinafight]

"I'm sorry you thought you were crazy. It was --" He paused, then shook his head. "Things were a mess here." Still were, in a lot of ways. The world was still trying to deal with the fact that its population had literally doubled once more overnight.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

"I guess that’s one of the things you want to tell me about," Steve said. He shook his head a little, as if to shake off the memory.

He was exhausted, all of a sudden. He’d been in the mountains for weeks, barely eating or sleeping. He’d felt fevered with the desire for this one last chance to find Bucky—and here he was. Steve took a deep, long breath.

[endsinafight]

"Yeah." Bucky watched him, saw the way his shoulders suddenly drooped, the way his eyes seemed more distant and cloudy.

"Come on, Pal. Let's get you into bed, yeah?" He shifted so his arm was wrapped around Steve's waist and he led him toward the front door. "You can get some rest and we'll talk more later." His voice was quiet.

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

"I’m fine," he said. "I’m fine."

He didn’t want Bucky to leave him, but he leaned gratefully into his support. "Maybe we could just sit down on the couch a little. Maybe a cup of coffee."

[endsinafight]

"You look like you're about to fall over," Bucky responded, rolling his eyes. "And we both know coffee won't do a thing for you because you metabolize it way too fast."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

"I think it still has a psychological effect," Steve insisted. "I don’t need to go to bed."

It felt childish, to be whining against bed like this. But he didn’t want to be separated from Bucky, not even to sleep. "Let’s just sit on the couch?"

[endsinafight]

A wave of nostalgia washed over him at the actual, honest-to-God whine from Steve. God, he hadn't heard him whine like that since -- before the war. It was petulant and familiar and he couldn't help the fond smile that touched his mouth.

"Fine," he conceded. "Coffee and the couch, then. You sit, and I'll go put on a fresh pot."

[littleguyfrombrooklyn]

Steve sat down gratefully. He really was exhausted. He hadn’t pushed his body this hard since the War. And even then, he’d eaten more—Bucky had been there. Bucky didn’t let him run himself dry.

"Maybe a snack?" he said, a little plaintively.